Pens, Bottle stoppers, Pizza cutters and other woodworker items
Crafted for your individual needs
Crafted for your individual needs
Welcome to ForLiam, a website where you can commission or purchase pens, bottle stoppers, pizza cutters and other items. To view samples and examples of what you can request, click on the three horizontal lines in the top left corner of the page and select Portfolio. Each item is hand made and therefore unique, and each made in honor of Liam Haywood.
So... why do I do this? Why make pens, bottle stoppers and other items?
We lost our son Liam at the age of 19, one month shy of his 20th birthday in a motorcycle accident. That in itself is a tragic occurrence but perhaps not unusual. The unusual thing occurred the next day when Liam’s cellphone was returned. While trying to gain access to the phone a reminder went off. Specifically, Liam had set himself a daily alarm which read “Who did you help today?” Liam never told anyone about this reminder, never bragged about it, he just lived it.
Liam taught martial arts and apparently took his reminder very seriously. At Liam’s funeral almost 500 people were in attendance. Liam's students (among them was a six-year old girl who brought a carnation for the casket), four police officers, Liam's fellow instructors and of course his friends.
As a father, I could not bring myself to believe that Liam was gone. After a while, I began to believe that perhaps Liam was really on vacation or somewhere else but that he would soon be coming home. I buried myself in work and tried to deny anything was wrong. Eventually a good day was one where I didn’t think about Liam at all. That fills me with horror but it was true, and sometimes still is.
At my wife’s urging, I began to see a therapist. We would talk about Liam and who Liam was, what Liam had accomplished and how much Liam was loved. I cited numerous examples to my therapist and I remarked how all this happened because of Liam’s death, thinking “Wow, that is the first time I have used the word ‘death’, my therapist will be proud of me”. Instead my therapist interrupted me and told me to stop. He pointed out that all these events, all these people, were impacted by Liam’s life, not his death.
That was a revelation but it should have been obvious. We all die, but few of us have trees planted in our honor or a minutes silence to remember us before every Black Belt test. And with that, the perspective changed. As a friend of mine told me, you want to focus on the life Liam had and not just on the moment of his death.
Thus began a new path for me. I began to closely consider Liam’s reminder of “Who did you help today?” In and of itself it’s a simple question. Liam never said anything about major accomplishments he made to the world. To reiterate: it is a simple question and the answer does not have to be complex. Some days I’ll admit, I have to think hard about that question. Other days it’s easier to answer but in either case the focus is outward and productive. It’s a question that gives a person pause to wonder if they are contributing to society and being worthwhile or just sitting there waiting for others to give to them. If you think about it the question is all about service to others, a concept that is increasingly disappearing from our society. And if a 19-year-old can live by the creed, why can't the rest of us?
Everyday is hard without Liam but there are also the stories I’ve heard and the things I have learned about Liam. Some make me laugh, some make me cry, but each one brings me just a bit closer to the son that I love so much.
To touch on just a few:
- The man who we met in the middle of the lake. The man who out of the blue told us he knew Liam, that Liam used to teach his son Karate. And that his son is autistic and that Liam was the only instructor who could “connect” with his son.
- Liam’s friend who described being in high school shop class with Liam, and when another boy stepped on a nail, Liam was the one person with the presence of mind and care who found a chair for the boy to sit in.
- The father who described arriving late to the Karate graduation and whose daughter, upon seeing her group up on stage already and all the people between her and the stage, sadly turned to tell her father that they could leave and didn’t have to stay. And how an instructor saw her in the crowd and jumped off the stage, made his way to her and, with a smile, lead her to the stage. The instructor then lifted her up to take her place on the stage so she could take her place with her friends to participate. And the father saying he had no idea who that instructor was or how he could react so quickly to one person out of place. The instructor was of course Liam.
- Another friend of Liam who described driving home late one night with too much drink inside him. He chose to call Liam at 3:30am and ask if he could come over. Liam responded positively, let him in and then, without warning, reminded his friend not to ever drink and drive again! The consensus from Liam’s friends on this was “Oh yeah, with Liam you always knew where you stood”.
- The Atlanta Falcons cheerleader who remarked to me what nice manners Liam displayed after meeting her. And when I told Liam of her comment, his reply to me was “Dad, it’s about respect”.
Everyday is still hard and I’d do or give anything to have Liam come home. I spend my evenings in the garage making items such as pens, bottle stoppers, cigar cases and even a magnifying glass. In general anything with a handle.
By purchasing one of these items you are in a way honoring the young man who lived to help others. The young man whose nickname was "Rikki Tiki" and who demonstrated kindness every day.
If I am to be honest with myself though, I am not in the garage to make something. I am in the garage waiting to hear the motorcycle coming home with my boy.
So remember to be kind and help someone every day you can. That's how Liam lived. That's how we should live too.
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